I’ve been doing a lot of navel-gazing lately. And I mean a*LOT.* (Bless my long-suffering roommate) I’ve been especially focused on studying and processing codependency, obsessiveness, interpersonal boundaries, and a lot of other surprisingly hidden sources of unhappiness. Honestly, the fact that I would be better off NOT relating to the line “the more you suffer, the more you really care. Right? Yeah,” in The Offspring’s song “Self Esteem” was somehow surprising to me. Ironically, in all of the books and articles I’ve read on these topics, Self-Esteem™ is emphasized as a key to addressing these challenges.
After being beat over the head with the phrase “Self-Esteem” enough times, I eventually exclaimed, “Ok, cool! What’s that? And how do I get it?”
As I continued reading more and more about it, I realized how much it tied into the themes of a movie I love and have seen way too many times, Jim Henson’s puppet-and-David Bowie-filled madhouse Labyrinth (1986).
In this article, I will discuss how 15-year-old Sarah’s journey through the Labyrinth demonstrates how she goes from an unhealthy sense of self to a healthy self-esteem and the steps she takes to get there. (Indicated accordingly for easy review)
1. Life’s Not Fair
At the beginning of the film, Sarah is full of TEENAGE ANGST. There are a lot of things going on at once here: feeling abandoned by her father and scorned by her stepmother, isolated from her mother and enamored with her mom’s new eerily-similar-to-Bowie boyfriend, and jealous of her new baby brother. Like any good teenager (or adult codependent), she buries her feelings by spending a lot of time in her fantasy world to deal with her lack of control over her circumstances and emotions. Being forcibly removed from this world by real-world obligations makes trying to relate to those back in reality even more difficult.
All of this leaves her feeling cheated, as she frequently exclaims in a victimized tone, “It’s not fair!” At one moment she is arrogant and believes she’s a princess, and at another she thinks she’s a slave. Neither of these reflects a healthy self-respect, but rather an artificially inflated or deflated sense of self. Jareth the Goblin King draws attention to this when he muses,
“You say that so often. I wonder what your basis for comparison is.”
The moment of growth for her comes when she is able to say, “[Life’s] not fair,” as a calm statement of reality rather than a request to have things be fixed for her. She has come to understand her circumstances do not reflect on her value as a person.
2. I’ve Figured It Out!
At the beginning of the Labyrinth, Sarah feels paralyzed as she cycles between self-reliance and self-defeat/impostor syndrome, neither of which help her move forward in the maze. Throughout her journey, Sarah learns that having a healthy respect means learning to have a healthy attitude towards her own competency and achievements. She learns when she needs to lean on her friends (e.g. when Hoggle helps her get out of the oubliette), but she also learns that she is capable of challenging herself, such as in the riddle above or when she tells her friends she has to face her enemy alone.
3. You Have No Power Over Me
The film sets up Sarah’s greatest victory as her ability to say, “You have no power over me” to Jareth the Goblin King, thus somehow defeating him (??? lame??) At the beginning of the film, she had exclaimed, “Someone save me. Someone take me away from this awful place!” By the end, she has shifted from an external locus of control to an internal sense of control. She understands that 1) others do not need to hold power over her feelings and 2) she has her own power just from being her authentic self, who she observed with positive regard along her journey. “For my will is as strong as yours, and my power is as great.” She has put up healthy boundaries between her and Jareth, and does not let his offers get in the way of her true desires.
The results? New friends, restored relationships with her family, and a positive view of the future. As I’ve been working on self-esteem, I’ve seen this start to happen for me. I hope you can, too.
